148th Edition - 5/24/07

• Cubs: They call him MR. Marshall

I thought I was going to wake up and write a glowing article about the return of Mr. Sean Marshall. But then I noticed the Cubs lost 2-1. Marshall gave up a late two-run homer and now the Cubs are 20-24, and 6.5 games behind the Brewers. Marshall probably pitched well enough to stick in the rotation, which will now have three lefties in it.

It's painful right now. After watching Derek Lee hit a grand slam last Saturday to beat the Sox, I thought it was the beginning of something. It wasn't. And now neither was this.

• Bulls

Picking ninth in the draft won't happen. They will trade that pick along with either Chris Duhon, Andre Nocioni or maybe even Tyrus Thomas.

• Stuff

"Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End" -- the review is up.

*I'll be sitting down in a group interview with Bruce Willis soon, what do I ask him?

*Saturday Night Live - The 2006/20007 Season

Zach Braff had a good start, but I will let my friend (and best man) describe the episode.

"i was pretty disappointed overall. the
opening skit was one of the funnier openers i'd seen in awhile, but
then the zach skits were just kind of blah. it seems like there are
some indicators of a less than strong show--any time they do the house
party skit (kind of funny, but the special guests always seem
uncomfortable). and then whenever the special guests play themselves
a lot in the skits. just not a lot you can do with that. finally,
there seemed to be a lot about garden state. i loved the movie, but
isn't this a couple years late? was this the season finale from 2
years ago?"

For the season: 11-9

Funny: John C. Reily, Hugh Laurie, Alec Baldwin, Chris "Ludacris" Bridges, Justin Timberlake, Jake Gyllenhaal, Drew Barrymore, Rainn Wilson, Shia LaBeuof, Molly Shannon

Not Funny: Dane Cook, Jaime Pressly, Matthew Fox, Annette Bening, Jeremy Piven, Forest Whitaker, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Scarlett Johanssen, Zach Braff

*Other Season Finales:

Scrubs: Good, but they're back where they started and I'm kind of getting bored with the show.

Grey's: Depressing. I was wrong with every hunch I had, mainly because I was thinking positive.

Hereo's: Really? That's it? Compared to a great first season, it was flat.

The Office: They can't do anything wrong. It's the best show on TV.

Lost: I hope to watch this weekend.

*Michale Moore's "Sicko" trailer: http://movies.aol.com/movie/sicko/26778/trailer

145th Edition - 5/15/07

• Saturday Night Live: It's all me

So Molly Shannon hosted ... and on my previous post I wrote about interviewing her and discussing four ideas for sketches ... two of them happened.

The first was Jeannie Darcy (Molly Shannon), an awful stand-up comedian who was on during the Weekend Update section. This was a character I knew mainly because of Shannon's DVD (it was on the extras I think). Anyway, I praised that character during my interview with her and asked her to do it. Perhaps that is the reason it happened. It was a very small character of hers (compared with Sally O'Mally and Mary Catherine Gallagher) and I like to think I had something to do with it.
http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/video/#cat=new&sec=1a&mea=103581

The next sketch was hyper-active Katlin (Amy Poehler). This is all me. The character hasn't been done all season (with the absence of RICK RICK RICK - Horatio Sanz). I begged for this character to come back with Molly Shannon adding herself into the mix somehow (ended up being her mom).
That's all. I'm happy.

For the season: 11-8 (guaranteed to finish over .500)

Funny: John C. Reily, Hugh Laurie, Alec Baldwin, Chris "Ludacris" Bridges, Justin Timberlake, Jake Gyllenhaal, Drew Barrymore, Rainn Wilson, Shia LaBeuof, Molly Shannon

Not Funny: Dane Cook, Jaime Pressly, Matthew Fox, Annette Bening, Jeremy Piven, Forest Whitaker, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Scarlett Johanssen

• Bulls win

If only, that's what we can be talking about when the Bulls play the Pistons on Tuesday night. If only the Bulls could have won after having a 19 point lead in Game 3. I am not confident this roller coaster is going to continue.

• Stuff

*Officially, "Studio 60" is done. Not coming back next eyar. But "Scrubs" is coming back.

144th Edition - 5/11/07

• Bulls: Wow. Awesome.

I just woke up, but I can't wait to read the paper and watch all the Bulls highlights. I ended up going to sleep at halftime. I bet the Bulls probably ended up winning by 40 points! They dominated the first half, holding the Pistons to 28 points. Looks like this thing has a change to go seven ... Just awesome.

• Stuff

*Molly Shannon is hosting SNL this weekend. I interviewed her and we talked about ideas for a couple of minutes. I'm not getting too excited, but I have hope. The Dakota Fanning Show, RICK-RICK-RICK, Bill Hader doing Al Pacino, and Jeannie Darcy.

*Film Reviews by me -
"The Ex"
"28 Weeks Later"

*New Order is done - click to read
I had a friend pratically drag me to see "New Order" in concert. It remains one of my favorites of all time.

*Here's a story back when the Bulls and Pistons fought in 88-91. click to read

*"Friday Night Lights" is officially coming back next year.

*These boys are good...

138th Edition - 4/24/07

• Cubs: Killing Me

I went to bed last night with the Cubs heading to extra innings. And somehow, I just knew it wouldn't be working out. The Cubs lost again in extra innings. Their record is now 7-12, and they are five games back of first. Only the Royals and Nationals have worse records.

Alex Rodriguez is just hitting all these home runs (he had two more last night) so the Cubs will pay him a lot of money next year, right? Otherwise, I just don't see the point.

• Bulls: Tonight's the night

The Bulls have a chance to go up 2-0 tonight on the Miami Heat, but if history proves correct, Shaq complaining means he will now be able to enforce his will on the refs. Thus, 1-1 looks more likely.

• Stuff

*Big day today. I get to see "Spider-Man 3" and "Knocked Up." Yes, I am giddy.

*This is one of the most interesting music sites I have encountered. Andrew Bird, Arcade Fire ... good stuff. http://www.blogotheque.net, but especially this - http://www.blogotheque.net/concertaemporter/ - if you don't read French.

*SNL
Nope, no good Scarlett Johansen. "Saturday Night Live" consisted of repeated every line into the ground until it was dead. "Marble Columns" is the best/worst example of this. Yes, it can be funny, but it's not the highest quality sketch.

For the season: 10-8

Funny: John C. Reily, Hugh Laurie, Alec Baldwin, Chris "Ludacris" Bridges, Justin Timberlake, Jake Gyllenhaal, Drew Barrymore, Rainn Wilson, Shia LaBeuof

Not Funny: Dane Cook, Jaime Pressly, Matthew Fox, Annette Bening, Jeremy Piven, Forest Whitaker, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Scarlett Johanssen

136th Edition - 4/18/07

Well ... things have changed a little bit. My hunch, be prepared to read this 2-3 times a week, instead of 5. I'm not ready to change the name to "The Bi-Daily Score" or "The Daily (but not really) Score" but we'll just have to wait and see. JOB is going to get in the way a little bit. Mainly because it is a real one.

• The Weekly Bull

OK, let me explain ... no wait, that will take too long. Let me sum up ... If the Bulls win tonight against the Nets, they get the #2 seed in the playoffs. But, if the Bulls lose tonight AND the Cavs win at home against the Bucks, then the Cavs get the #2 seed. If the Bulls don't get the #2 seed, they get the #5 seed, and play the Heat in round one. Oddly enough, the Bulls would have home court against the Heat because of their records. Now, if the Bulls win tonight, that means the Nets lose. If the Wizards beat the Pacers, and the Nets lose ... the Wizards play the Bulls in round one which would be ideal because the Wizards are without Gilbert Arenas and Caron Butler. Otherwise, the Bulls face the Nets. SO easy.

• Stuff

*I interviewed the cast and director from "Hot Fuzz." click to read

*SNL - just interviewed Molly Shannon, who will host Saturday Night Live on May 12. Gave her more ideas, we'll have to wait and see.

Shia LaBeuof didn't use any of my ideas but he was good enough.

For the season: 10-7
Funny: Shia LaBeuof, John C. Reily, Hugh Laurie, Alec Baldwin, Chris "Ludacris" Bridges, Justin Timberlake, Jake Gyllenhaal, Drew Barrymore, Rainn Wilson
Not Funny: Dane Cook, Jaime Pressly, Matthew Fox, Annette Bening, Jeremy Piven, Forest Whitaker, Julia Louis-Dreyfus

*I have no idea why Will Ferrell did this, I'm just glad he did. It's got to be his own kid and allow me to be the first to nominate him for "Dad Of The Year"


And thank you Elijah for this gem.

126th Edition - 3/29/07

126 - Nerd alert. In the massive multiplayer online role-playing game RuneScape, 126 is the highest combat level achieveable.

• NCAA Tournament: The IF's and the BUT's

OK - Let's crank up the old scenario generator and take a closer look at who could win the -
*1st Annual The Daily Score NCAA Tournament Pick'em Competition Spectacular*

IF -
If Florida wins it all, AE (Andrew Edwards) wins. Period. End of story. And I come in second. Which is good, because I do NOT want to win this prize (yes, the prize is still a secret).

IF -
If UCLA beats Ohio State, Mark Lubbat comes out of nowhere and wins the whole thing.

IF -
If UCLA beats Georgetown, AE still wins. Damn, that boy is good. Good and terrible. Hmmm, it appears that line is only funny in my head or while watching "Coming to America."

IF -
If Georgetown beats Florida, good lord, it's AE again.

IF -
Ohio State beats Flordia, you'll never guess ... The fiancee wins it. Actually, she ties with DP (Dave Pohl), and the tiebracker will actually matter. This is funny on many levels, one of which is DP and I were both in dead last after Thursday/Friday first round action.

IF -
Ohio State beats UCLA, Dave (Denver Dave, Banana Hands) wins it and the fiancee comes in 2nd.

Hmmm, I guess the only BUT is ... I could write down all the senarios, BUT it would have been easier just to say AE will probably win, or maybe not.

• The Hawkeyes: Bruce Pearl doesn't like us

After not being considered for the head coaching job when Dr. Tom Davis left, after making Tennessee a winning program and after making over $1 million a year -- Bruce Pearl has decided to stay at Tennessee and not consider the Iowa coaching position. All in all, for him, it was a good choice. Though he was my top choice mainly so I could see a Big Ten team try and score lots and lots of points.

• Cubs: Prior will be great ...

For the Triple-A Iowa Cubs. Yup, that is where Mark Prior will start the season. In the minors. I am wishing that Wood and Prior were elsewhere just so I could have something else to think about this close to opening day.

Something else to thing about ... The Cubs starting outfield for opening day - Alfonso Soriano in CF, Matt Murton in LF and Jacques Jones in RF. I am happy with these decisions.

• Peyton Manning is not Peyton Manning

The Bears fan who lost a bet and was willing to legally change his name to Peyton Manning, was denied by a judge. The judge decided it would be too confusing for the real Peyton Manning. Sounds to me like it would be too confusing for people to try and understand what kind of idiot of a Bears fan (or any human being for that matter) would be something like this, and then try and follow through on the bet.

• Stuff

I finally remembered ...

*Saturday Night Live
It was a good one. Peyton Manning's United Way commercial, the dancing coach, Manning holding a rock and the NCAA Tournament Bracket sketch which reminding EVERY man about the woman in their life ... it was all good stuff.

For the season: 9-7

Funny: John C. Reily, Hugh Laurie, Alec Baldwin, Chris "Ludacris" Bridges, Justin Timberlake, Jake Gyllenhaal, Drew Barrymore, Rainn Wilson

Not Funny: Dane Cook, Jaime Pressly, Matthew Fox, Annette Bening, Jeremy Piven, Forest Whitaker, Julia Louis-Dreyfus

*More SNL
I interviewed Shia LaBeouf yesterday and he was the first person I interviewed who was about to host SNL (April 14). Needless to say, we talked about sketch ideas for a couple minutes.

*Lost was great last night. It was a good stand-alone episode, and it had enough creativity will the flashbacks. LOVED the ending.

*Harry Potter - new cover

118th Edition - 3/19/07

118 - This is the most interesting thing I could find - 118 ways to save money for college. Wow, hope this isn't an indication of how boring today can be.

• Other things (Quick Hits)

*Kobe Bryant is good. He went for 65 points on Friday night and followed it up with 50 points last night. He and Wilt Chamberlin are the only ones to do that.

*50 is also the number of points the 76ers got beat by last night. The Rockets won 124-74.

• NCAA Basketball

*Our Leader (in the 1st Annual The Daily Score NCAA Tournament Pick'em Competition Spectacular) is Kevin Sketch (aka Plausible Deniability). He has picked 38 out of 48 for 50 points. Two girls are tied for 3rd and I am 16th.

*Of the 16 teams in the sweetness, UNLV (7) and Vanderbilt (6) are the lowest seeds remaining.

• Stuff

*Monday Box Office
People still like Sandra Bullock, but more people like blood.
1. 300 - $31 million - a solid B.
2. Wild Hogs - $19 - yup, i still hate this film.
3. Premonition - $18 - Roeper called it one of the worst endings ever.
4. Dead Silence - $8 - heard awful, awful things about this film.
5. I Think I Love My Wife - $6 - I thought this film would do better. It's not awful, but the subject isn't fun. I assume there were alot of women out there telling their men, "No, I don't want to see a movie about a man wanting to cheat on his wife."

*Saturday Night Live
Not good enough Julia Louis-Dreyfus. In fact, I can't remember laughing out loud once. The Italian sketch was OK. Never a good sign when both musical performances are the best parts (Snow Patrol). And yes, Chris Rock showed up for the opener, and then talked about black men getting hung back in the day ... not his best stuff.

For the season: 8-7
Funny: John C. Reily, Hugh Laurie, Alec Baldwin, Chris "Ludacris" Bridges, Justin Timberlake, Jake Gyllenhaal, Drew Barrymore, Rainn Wilson

Not Funny: Dane Cook, Jaime Pressly, Matthew Fox, Annette Bening, Jeremy Piven, Forest Whitaker, Julia Louis-Dreyfus

*New Shows
Raines - Jeff Goldblum. It's fine. I just don't know why I would watch it. I already have enough and it didn't give me anything mindblowing.
Andy Barker, P.I. - wow, this guy is destined to be someone I always give the benefit of the doubt to ... and he NEVER delivers. The show is weak.

104th Edition - 2/27/07

No idea what happened today, but my post got messed up. I had Cubs and Big Ten basketball talk - but that disappeared. Life is trying to knock me down a bit. I'm going to let it. More tomorrow...

• Update: the running diary - Oscar Style

*Here's the running diary. It (the idea) is a work in progress, it will be better next time.
click to read

*Listen to the entire Arcade Fire album here.

*Saturday Night Live
Rainn Wilson hosted. Funny. Barely. For a 1.5 hour show, there was about 30 minutes of comedy, and it was almost entirely before the news. Wilson was great to see as himself. "The Office" skit was a little too easy. The digital short was good and then there was Arcade Fire. So good. By the way, I will be seeing them in May when they are at the Chicago Theater.

For the season: 8-6
Funny: John C. Reily, Hugh Laurie, Alec Baldwin, Chris "Ludacris" Bridges, Justin Timberlake, Jake Gyllenhaal, Drew Barrymore, Rainn Wilson

Not Funny: Dane Cook, Jaime Pressly, Matthew Fox, Annette Bening, Jeremy Piven, Forest Whitaker

97th Edition - 2/12/07

• Blatant Self-Promotion

They are here ...

Beep's Scorecard Movie Awards (formally known as "The j Awards")

Register, Vote, and Forward it Along. Plus you can actually win prizes this year.

• The Pro Bowl

It doesn't matter. Really it doesn't. But I really thought the game was going to be played on Sunday. I would have made my bet Sunday morning while watching "SNL." But no, suddenly I am confronted with an image of Devin Hester returning a kickoff in a hideous uniform. It couldn't be a highlight, it had to be the Pro Bowl. And of course that meant the NFC would cover and the under would hit. I could have retired ... bought a new car ... bought my fiancee that ring ... taken her out to dinner on Valentine's Day ... or maybe I would have just had a little more money to gamble next time. Ah, Gamblor (the God of Gambling) you have bested me again. But luckily, I won't give up.

• NBA: I actually watched

Nothing like an NBA tripleheader to make you start realizing the NFL is finally over. Kobe vs. LeBron was good, though King James looks like he is just coasting right now. And the Bulls finished their seven game road trip with a record of 3-4 because they beat the Nashless Suns. One other thing that happens when you watch an NBA tripleheader, you start thinking "It's not about the hat," is one of the funniest lines ever. Thanks, Sir Charles.

• Saturday Night Live

Too much music. Forrest Whitaker broke into song about three times too many. There was some potential with the Man vs. Beast, but Whitaker is an awkward man, a great actor, but an awkward man.

For the season: 7-6

Funny: John C. Reily, Hugh Laurie, Alec Baldwin, Chris "Ludacris" Bridges, Justin Timberlake, Jake Gyllenhaal, Drew Barrymore
Not Funny: Dane Cook, Jaime Pressly, Matthew Fox, Annette Bening, Jeremy Piven, Forest Whitaker

93rd Edition - 2/5/07

• Bears: Da Day After

Colts 29, Bears 17

Two years is a row, the Bears defense has let down the team in the playoffs. But at least this year, Rex Grossman joined them.

What started off a dream (Devin Hester's 92-yard opening kickoff return) became ... one of those dreams from a long night of drinking where you are still at the party, but things are slowly spinning out of control and you are trying to shout but have no voice and things just keep getting worse and worse ... one of those dreams.

The Colts played perfectly in the rain, mixing up short passes and runs resulting in long drives with some points. The Bears barely ever drove with confidence and whenever they got something going, Grossman fell, tripped, tossed an interception, fumbled the snap or threw for five yards instead of the required eight for a first down.

I love the team going into next year. But I don't want Grossman as the quarterback. The thing that kills me about the season is the Bears never found out how Griese could deal with a pressure situation. No matter how Grossman performs during the regular season, I will be nervous for the playoffs next year.

Another thing -- I now hate when "my" team returns an opening kickoffs. The Hawkeyes did that to me in 2003 in the Orange Bowl against USC. The rest of the game was not pretty.

• Super Bowl: the other stuff

The commercials ... in one word ... awful. Perhaps my judgement in cloudy since I was in a funk for the whole second half, but almost everything was flat.

Watch them here if you need a refresher - click here

The Good
Bud Light - Wedding
Budweiser - Hitchhiker, Rock/Paper/Scissors, Slap Happy
Sierra Mist - Beard Comb-over
Snickers - Guy Kiss

The Bad
Everything else, though most are disqualified (such as all the Coke ads, because they are old ones). I can't believe an advertiser is going to pay top dollar and then show us a refund. If I had control over my love for Diet Coke, I would choose not to drink it for a while.

The Best
Doritos, Strong and Smooth

And a special shout out to the fiancee for watching the game with me. She has now seen two Bears games (her first being the Bears/Saints). She has decided she liked watching that one more.

Prince was fantastic, best of my life, though the choice of covers was a little odd, I liked that he played them. Great visuals with the marching band. And Prince didn't lip-sync, which is reason no. 142 on why he is Prince.

I did, in fact, break even with my bets. The big one I missed was a small bet on the Bears losing the first half, winning the second (paying 12-1).

I found myself wishing "Criminal Minds" would be cancelled within the week. Why on Earth would you show a downer like that after I watched my Bears get beat? Even if you are a Colts fan, why would you want to see that? Just a terrible decision, plus, from what I understand, I think you might have a sit-com starring David Spade starting soon ... if the 35 promos where telling the truth.

• WSOPC

Not good. We didn't qualify for an interview or the mock-game show. We don't know what the passing level is on the test or exactly how we did, and aren't allowed to talk about anything test related. The test was 15 minutes. Our total time spent attempting to be on the game show - 43 minutes.

Happy Fun Ball is dead.

Special thanks to John for making the flight from Atlanta, in hindsight just a ridiculous thing to do. And to Kenzie for some good-looking shirts.

• Stuff

Funny. I didn't feel like writing today. Oh well.

*Drew Barrymore on SNL ... good. The second half of the show was surprisingly strong. I'm giving this one a thumbs up, especially considering I was having trouble with my TV and had to watch in really bad reception. The good ones: The Dakota Show, Jo-Jo, Body Fusion, Wknd Update and Firestarter Smoked Sausages.

Here's the season to date: 7-5

Funny: John C. Reily, Hugh Laurie, Alec Baldwin, Chris "Ludacris" Bridges, Justin Timberlake, Jake Gyllenhaal, Drew Barrymore

Not Funny: Dane Cook, Jaime Pressly, Matthew Fox, Annette Bening, Jeremy Piven

*Oldie but goodie: Here's a spoof on Alias Season One - click here

*Daivd Lee Roth is back with Van Halen this summer on tour.

*Camera Obscrua was not good on Saturday night. WAY too many slow songs played in a row.

82nd Edition - 1/16/07

• Bears: Sigh of relief

Bears 27, Seahawks 24
The Bears decided to win on Sunday, mainly because the Seahawks didn't want to. The Seahawks had many opportunities to get into FG range late in the 4th quarter and in OT as well, but they could never get the job done. So finally, Rex Grossman hit Rashied Davis for a big gain and then it was up to Robbie Gould's foot. He connected on his record-tying 49-yard FG.

I was thinking the Seahawks would win when the Bears were sitting on a 4-point lead for most of the 2nd half. Perhaps that is because I am a Bears/Cubs fan and I expect the worst. Or maybe it has more to do with me, but it just didn't look like the Bears would win. It was their defense that was letting them down for most of the day, but luckily it came up big when it needed to.

Grossman had his amazing moments (both good and bad) all in the same game, which is rare to see.

I'm excited that the Bears are one game away. Even if they have to beat "America's Team."

• NFL: The rest of them

The Saints beat the Eagles 27-24 in the only game I didn't watch this weekend. I had a friend in town and didn't call my fiancee to attempt to set up the tivo to record the game. Turns out, I missed a great game. Looks like the Bears will have their hands full. I have no idea how they stop the Saints offense.

As for this "America's Team" label they have been given ... how? How was this determined? I never remember a poll being taken about which team you like now compared to who you cheered for last year. I under New Orleans has been through a lot, but does that mean football fans have given up on their team to root for New Orleans? I doubt it. I think it's "nice" that the Saints are winning, and I always like it when a team turns around losing ways, but "America's Team" has been given that label by the media because it makes for a good story. We have no idea if America truly loves the Saints, or has just been told that they do.

The Colts beat the Ravens 15-6. Peyton Manning has been awful in the playoffs. It doesn't seem to matter.

The Patriots beat the Chargers 24-21. Tom Brady had an awful game, except when it counted. The end of the first half, and second half he played perfectly. That gave the Patriots all the points they needed to beat LDT and then dance like Shawne Merriman after the game, which unfortunately became more of a story than the game.

• The Picks (revisited)

NFL Season Standings
j : 25-24-4
Mike D: 27-24-2

NFL Playoffs
j: 3-5
Mike D: 5-3

NFL Overall
j: 28-29-4
Mike D: 32-27-2

So at this point, I can't win the overall standing. But then again, I can't remember any NFL team bragging about winning the regular season and losing the playoffs. And there is still a slight chance that I could win the playoffs. So, I'm clinging to that for now.

• NBA: annoyed

I hate that the NBA player contracts are guaranteed. It just doesn't make sense, because they Chris Webber can make an insane amount of money, not be good, and then quit trying until his team gets sick of him, get bought out of his contract, and then join the Pistons for a feel-good reunion (he played his college ball in Michigan).

• Stuff

**Jake Gyllenhaal worked his ass off on Saturday Night Live. Plus they brought back laser cats. So it was a win, win. With Gyllenhaal doing the best opening monologue since Steve Martin tried to kill Alec Baldwin.

Here's the season to date: 6-4
Funny: John C. Reily, Hugh Laurie, Alec Baldwin, Chris "Ludacris" Bridges, Justin Timberlake, Jake Gyllenhaal

Not Funny: Dane Cook, Jaime Pressly, Matthew Fox, Annette Bening

**Golden Globes
Yawn. That is how I would describe the show. It was great seeing Sacha Baron Cohen give a speech as himself (winning for "Best Actor in a Comedy/Musical" for "Borat"), but overall the speeches weren't that good. And the presenters had to deal with a crowd that was never sitting down. Every time they came back from commercial, people were moving around and talking ... and wouldn't that have been more enjoyable to watch?

Good Speeches:
Alec Baldin
Hugh Laurie
Sacha Baron Cohen
Meryl Streep
Jennifer Hudson

"The Departed" didn't win enough.

There were plenty of awkward moments though ...
Warren Beatty not practicing his speech enough.
America Ferrera of ABC's "Ugly Betty" waiting to be interviewed by the sideline reporter.
Arnold Schwarzenegger's cruches.
Helen Miren's speeches.
Eddie Murphy barely being excited, suddenly I realized I need to stop feeling sorry for Eddie Murphy and his string of sell-outs.

69th Edition - 12/18/06

• NFL - the fog is just a haze

The playoff picture was murky before this weekend. Now we can see, kind of.
In the NFC ...
The Bears have home-field advantage throughout the playoffs.
The Saints have won their division.
The Cowboys are in.
These teams have a chance -
Seahawks, Eagles (8-6)
Giants, Falcons (7-7)
I'm not going to mention the 6-8 teams that have a mathmatical chance.
In the AFC ...
Chargers clinched division.
Colts clinched division.
Ravens in the playoffs.
These teams have a chance -
Patriots (10-4)
Bengals (8-5) -- playing the Colts tonight.
Broncos, Jaguars, Jets (8-6)
Then there are four teams at (7-7)

Sunday's Best ...
QB
Rex Grossman: 339 yards, 2TD (W)
Chad Pennington: 339 yards, 1TD, 1INT (W)
Eli Manning: 282 yards, 2INT (L)
I assume the above list will change after Palmer vs. Manning tonight.
RB
LaDainian Tomlinson: 199 yards, 2TD (W)
Frank Gore: 144 yards (W)
Willie Parker: 132 yards, 1TD (W)
WR
Laveranues Coles: 144 yards, 1TD (W)
Desmond Clark: 125 yards, 2TD (W)
Plaxico Burress: 120 yards (L)

• NBA: FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

Look for David Stern to slap some heavy fines and suspensions on the Nuggest and Knicks for the brawl on Saturday night. Go to ESPN.com to watch the brawl. It should still be the headline on their NBA page.
The latest talk is that Isiah Thomas may have ordered the fight to start since he was annoyed Marcus Camby and Carmelo Anthony were still in the game for the Nuggets when the game was out of hand. Thomas actually tells Anthony not to drive to the basket again right before the fight takes place.
Anthony can be seen giving a cheap shot to a Knick and then immediately retreating.
I would hate to see any of my Bulls get into a fight over a game. Then again, that game is their life. So if it had to happen, I would at least hope they would stand and fight. Seeing what Anthony is made of has to be disappointing to Nugget fans.

• Bears: Tank Johnson ... I hate talking about this.

And since I hate talking about Tank Johnson's legal troubles, and his bodyguard who was just shot and killed, I'm letting ESPN do it - click here to read

• Hawkeyes: I wish I could say the mighty have fallen

The Iowa Hawkeyes lost to the Drake Bulldogs by 16 points. This hasn't happened for 28 years. A record 7,268 people saw it happen. If you are looking for further coverage on the Iowa Hawkeyes for the remainder of the year, it will be sparse. I assume I only have one friend left (Brian Hunt) who will be following the Hawkeyes. Perhaps I can have him give everyone monthly updates. Ohbytheway, Drake's head coach, former Iowa coach Dr. Tom Davis. Iowa is 5-6 and hasn't been this bad for 32 years. The pretty good have fallen (not the mighty).

• The Picks (revisited)

j NCAA: (23-16-1)
billy z NCAA: (27-12-2)
j NFL: 3-0 (24-23-3)
mike d NFL: 3-0 (25-23-2)

Well, if you stuck we mike d and me, you are back to earning very little money. Congratulations. You deserve it.

• Stuff

We have a winner!
Justin Timberlake was fan-freaking-tastic on SNL. The highlights ... Homelessvile, The Barry Gibb Talk Show (w/Jimmy Fallon), Hip Hop Kidz, the opening monologue (Chimpmunks Song) and of course, the soon to be classic, Dick in a Box (click to watch).
So far, Justin Timberlake and Alec Baldwin have been the only "must see" Saturday Night Live's.
Here's the season to date: 5-4
Funny: John C. Reily, Hugh Laurie, Alec Baldwin, Chris "Ludacris" Bridges, Justin Timberlake
Not Funny: Dane Cook, Jaime Pressly, Matthew Fox, Annette Bening

I don't know how, but "Lost" and Weird Al just seem to fit - Click here to watch

Time magazine - I don't like your "Person of the Year" - in fact, I hate him. Click here to read

59th Edition - 12/4/06

• NFL: The Checklist

Bears 2006 Checklist --
Make the playoffs: check
Clinch the division: check
Secure homefield advantage:
Win first round playoff game:
Go to Super Bowl:
Be the last team standing:

The checklist is coming along nicely, even if Grossman is trying to screw it up as much as possible. "Win Ugly" needs to be the adopted mantra for the Bears this season. And instead of the word "ugly" there could be a picture of Grossman's face, or just his stat line. By the way, the Bears won 23-13 thanks to the defense, Cedric Benson, and Devon Hester.

Vince Young did it again, leading the Titans over the Colts (with help from Rob Bironas and a 60-yard FG to end it).

The Cowboys now have a two-game lead over the Giants thanks to Martin Gramatica and his late 46-yard FG.

For the complete playoff picture -- click here

The Best
QB
Peyton Manning: 351 yards, 1TD, 2INT - L
Jon Kitna: 314 yards, 1TD, 3INT - L
Mark Bulger: 314, 2TD, 3INT - L
RB
LaDainian Tomlinson: 178 yards, 2TD - W
Ladell Betts: 155 yards, 1TD - L
Deuce McAllister: 136 yards - W
WR
Marvin Harrison: 172 yards, 1TD - L
Reggie Bush: 131 yards, 1TD (3 rushing TD) - W
Matt Jones: 128 yards, 1TD - W

• NCAA Football: No rematch

The humans, not the computers decided that THE Ohio State would not have a rematch with Michigan.
It's Ohio State vs. Florida.

For the complete Bowl schedule -- click here

For the record, I think Iowa will lose about 45-17 to Texas in the Alamo Bowl. So sad.

• The Picks (revisited)

j NCAA: 2-1 (23-16-1)
billy z NCAA: 2-1 (27-12-2)
j NFL: 1-2 (18-23-3)
mike d NFL: 3-0 (20-22-2)

Now they are both starting to pull away from me.

• Stuff

"Saturday Night Live" had its moments, including Amy Poehler's rant on women and their undercarriage, but overall it just wasn't funny enough. Hosted by Matthew Fox the "Lost" jokes were too easy.

For the season: 4-3
Funny: John C. Reily, Hugh Laurie, Alec Baldwin, Chris "Ludacris" Bridges
Not Funny: Dane Cook, Jaime Pressly, Matthew Fox

50th Edition - 11/15/06

• I'm 50! (50th Edition)

Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Sally O'Malley. I'm proud to say that I am 50 years old. I'm not one of those gals who's afraid to tell her real age, and I like to ... kick!, stretch!, and KICK! I'm 50! 50 years old! 50 years old. Not afraid to hide my age, 50!

• The Weekly Bull (Season Record: 3-4)

Tuesday Night: Bulls 99, Mavericks 111
There is a new starting five for the Bulls ... and it led to a loss against the Mavericks. Andres Nocioni and Chris Duhon are now starting with Ben Wallace, Kirk Hinrich and Luol Deng. Ben Gordon (who has been shooting awful) and P.J. Brown now come off the bench.
Perhaps more importantly the road trip from hell has begun. The circus is in town for Chicago which means seven straight road games. Dallas, Houston, San Antonio, Los Angeles Lakers, Denver, Philadelphia and New York.
With the expectations high for this team, a 3-4 record for the road trip would be acceptable.

Some Numbers:
Since 1999, the Bulls are 4-42 on this annual road trip (keep in mind they went 3-3 during it last year)
Hinrich: 18.3 ppg
Deng: 18.0 ppg
Ben Wallace: 10.0 rpg
Ben Gordon: 22% from 3pt range

• NCAA Basketball: Knight Strikes!

Catchy title, boring story. Michael Prince, one of Knight's players, wasn't looking Knight in the eye during a time-out. Knight moved Prince's face quickly (a small slap) to get his attention. Here is the full story
There is really only one question I could think of asking Knight - "Why not just yell at him to get his attention?" Otherwise the story is simply a chance to bring up other Knight incidences and sell papers.

• MLB: NL Cy Young

Yup, baseball has finally gotten around to voting on the best pitcher of the regular season ... insert yawn here ...
1. Brandon Webb (only had 16 wins)
2. Trevor Hoffman
3. Chris Carpenter
4. Roy Oswalt
5. Carlos Zambrano

• Cubs: A new second baseman

Mark DeRosa had a career year with the Texas Rangers, hitting .296, 13 HR and 74 RBI. Now he is a Cub. 3 years, $13 million. I guess this means Ronny Cedeno is in trouble.

• Stuff

Every year, Jones Soda comes out with holiday flavors. It's for charity, so that makes these flavors OK ... Dinner Roll Soda, Turkey and Gravy, Sweet Potato, Green Pea, and Antacid.
Chicago folks can buy it at Cost Plus World Markets.

• Book 'um Dano, I'm 5-0!

48th Edition - 11/13/06

• Bear with me: It's a play on words

Bears 38, Giants 20
I was convinced Rex Grossman was one interception away from being benched last night for Brian Griese. But thanks to a draw play with 2:00 left on 3rd and VERY long, the Bears went from looking horrendous, to dominating the Giants. At the 2:00 mark it was 3-13, with the Bears only having 50 yards of offense.
Also - Devin Hester returned a FG 108 yards. He even played it up like he was going to down the missed FG in the end zone. Hester is a train wreck, you have to watch, and it will be ugly. We just never know if it will be ugly for the Bears or their opponents.

• NFL

Chargers 49, Bengals 41
Steelers 38, Saints 31
There was scoring in the NFL, let's see how that affected the best.

The Best
QB
Carson Palmer: 440 yards, 3TD
Drew Brees: 398 yards, 1TD
Steve McNair: 373 yards, 3TD, 2INT
RB
Willie Parker: 213 yards, 2TD
Frank Gore: 159 yards, 1TD
Tiki Barber: 141 yards
WR
Chad Johnson: 260 yards, 2TD
Donald Driver: 191 yards, 1TD
Marques Colston: 169 yards

• Hawkeyes: don't look, I'm hideous

The Hawks lost to Wisconsin. They are 2-5 in the Big Ten, 6-5 overall. I might be wrong, please correct me if I am, but the Hawks must beat Minnesota to be bowl eligible. You need six wins and the Hawks only have five since one was against Northern Illinois, not a Division I school.

• NCAA Football: Real Quick

Here are the latest BCS rankings. Doesn't matter much right now, since USC still has three games to play. I find it very annoying that Big Ten teams have one game left and others still have three to play. Can't a schedule be made that has everyone wrap up at the same time? Also, it would help if AP and Coaches polls didn't start until week 5. That way people wouldn't have to explain the reason Rutgers isn't No. 3 right now--because no one thought they would be good.

• The Picks: revisited

j NCAA: 2-1 (19-9-1)
billy z NCAA: 3-0 (19-8-2)
It's insane how good billy and I are.
j NFL: 1-2 (12-17-3)
mike d NFL: 1-1 (13-16-2) he has the Bucs +9.5 tonight
It's insane how bad mike and I are.

• SNL: We have a winner

Funniest Saturday Night Live in years.
The show had Christina Aquilera, Martin Short, Steve Martin, Tony Bennent and Paul McCartney ... not to mention Alec Baldwin hosted.
The funniest sketch was Baldwin and Kristen Wiig as new carpool partners.

So, for the season -- SNL: 3-2
Funny: Alec Baldwin, John C. Reily, Hugh Laurie
Not Funny: Dane Cook, Kate Hudson

*I'll talk about the Cubs (Ramirez and Woods signing) tomorrow.

44th Edition - 11/7/06

• I have recovered

Things I have recovered from:
*The devistating loss the Hawkeyes suffered at home to Northwestern.
*Consuming way too many beers over the course of 36 hours in Iowa City.
*The embarrassing loss the Bears suffered at home to the Dolphins.

All in all, just not a good sports weekend, but I managed to have the best time possible under the circumstances. The Hawkeyes are in jeapordy of not making a bowl game with two tough games left (Wisconsin and Minnesota), it's not looking good.

The Bears have beaten one team with a winning record (Seahawks). Once Grossman begins to have a bad game, it just gets worse. I wish the Bears would consider running the ball ALOT more and, when Grossman is hopping around and throwing off his back foot they should put Griese in. It's fine if Grossman starts every game, but the rookie (plays like one) needs to be benched every once in a while. A loss to the 6-2 Giants in NY will be easier to stomach than the Dolphins game.

• The Picks (revisited)

j NCAA: 2-1 (17-8-1)
billy z NCAA: 5-3 (16-8-2)

j NFL: 1-2 (11-15-3)
mike d NFL: 1-7 (12-15-2)

• SNL

It was "The Best of Darrell Hammond" this weekend. He's good, very solid ... and forever the man who just isn't Phil Hartman.

39th Edition - 10/30/06

• The NFL: The "real" Bears are back (I hope)

The Bears were ahead 31-0 with 10 minutes to go in the 2nd quarter against the 49ers. They dominated the game, which they have done five of the seven games they have played this year. Again, it looks like those three games in November--in a row (against the Giants, Jets and Patriots) are going to be the big test. Next up, Miami.

The Undefeateds: Bears, Colts

The Best
QB
Drew Brees: 383 yards, 3TD, 3INT
Peyton Manning: 345 yards, 3TD
Marc Bulger: 327 yards, 2TD
RB
LaDainian Tomlinson: 183 yards, 2TD
Larry Johnson: 155 yards, 3TD
Mike Bell: 136 yards, 2TD
WR
Marques Colston: 163 yards, 2TD
Reggie Wayne: 138 yards, 3TD
Eddie Kennison: 132 yards

• Red Auerbach died

He was 89 years old and a legend. He was also one of the first to be color blind and instead judge people by their talent.
Article by Ken Shouler
Article by Bill Simmons (from 2002)

• The Picks (revisited)

j NCAA: 2-0 (15-7-1)
billy z NCAA: 0-0 (11-5-2)

j NFL: 0-4 (10-13-3)
mike d NFL: 0-0 (11-9-2)

• Stuff

SNL was funny again. But just barely. Hugh Laurie even played a little guitar. Borat opened the show and if you didn't think it was funny ... well, you are correct. The sketch died. But the movie will be a classic.
So, for the season -- SNL: 2-2
Funny: John C. Reily, Hugh Laurie
Not Funny: Dane Cook, Kate Hudson

Weekend Box Office
1. Saw III - $34 million
2. The Departed - $9.8
3. The Prestige - $9.6

It's hard to argue with studios that give us crap like "Saw III." It cost $10 million to make. Meanwhile, "The Departed" finally broke even this weekend, making a total of $91 million. If you were an executive, where would you want to invest your money?

38th Edition - 10/28/06

My first ever Saturday post. It has nothing to do with the excitment of the Cardinals besting the Tigers in the World Series. I was busy yesterday. I am sorry. Work got the best of me. Though if I told you what my work was, I don't think I'll get your sympathy. I had to interview Will Smith and then go so "A Good Year" and "Perfume." Yup, that's work.

• The Series: Thanks for nothing

After getting the Red Sox and White Sox the last two years, maybe we got spoiled with a Series that had meaning, that will stand the test of time.
Cardinals 4, Tigers 2
Cardinals win the series 4-1

Congrats Cards fans. With 83 wins in the regualar season, you are the best team in baseball. You beat the Padres, then the Mets (with injuries) and Tigers (with errors) beat themselves. The 2006 Cardinals have the destinction of being the worst team ever to win the World Series, which is actually kind of cool.

• The Picks

I'm getting my picks in just in time. Since I am betting Saturday morning the line might have shifted from what you have.

j NCAA:
Northwestern (+29.5) over Michigan
Illinois (+22) over Wisconsin

j NFL:
Buccaneers (+9) over Giants
49ers (+16) over Bears
Rams (+9.5) over Chargers
Jets (+1.5) over Browns

• SNL
  

Hugh Laurie and Beck on SNL tonight. Let's see if they can go .500 on funny shows this season.

34th Edition - 10/23/06

• The Series: It's getting dirty

Game One: Tigers 2, Cardinals 7
Game Two: Tigers 3, Cardinals 1
Series Tied at 1-1

But the big story this morning is Kenny Rogers' left hand. There was something that looked like dirt on his left hand for last night's game, as well as Game 3 of the ALCS. Pine tar? Dirt? We don't know, but at least there is no game today so we can talk about it endlessly.
Here is Rogers' take on the issue.
And here is commentary from ESPN's Gene Wojciechowski.

• NFL

Shawn Merriman was quickly becoming one of the premier linebackers in the league and a fan favorite for the San Diego Chargers. Now he will serve a four-game suspension for testing positive for steroids. The good thing about the NFL and its fans is that they'll quickly give over the steroids thing and get back to praising him ... oh wait, that's what is bad with the NFL.

The Best
QB
Joey Harrington: 414 yards, 2 TD, 3 INT (It's not too late to call yourself Joe and turn respectable)
Peyton Manning: 342 yards, 4 TD (Maybe I shouldn't have taken the under in this game)
Donovan McNabb: 302 yards, 3 TD, 3 INT (two weeks in a row the Eagles have lost on a last second FG)
RB
Chester Taylor: 169 yards, 1 TD
Larry Johnson: 132 yards, 2 TD
Leon Washington: 129 yards, 2 TD
WR
Hines Ward: 171 yards, 3 TD
Tony Gonzalez: 138 yards
Darell Jackson: 131 yards, 1 TD

• The Picks

If anyone in the Atlanta area has seen billy z, please send him my best. There was no college picks sent from his this weekend, so I can only assume he is missing. It's the only logical explanation.

Speaking of missing, so is my talent at picking NFL games.

j NCAA: 2-1 (Season 13-7-1)
billy z NCAA: 0-0 (Season 11-5-2)
j NFL: 1-2-1 (Season 10-9-3)
mike d NFL: 0-2 (Season 10-9-2) -- He has the Giants -3.5 tonight.

• SNL

We have a winner! John C. Reily scored the first goal for Saturday Night Live this year. Not only that, the Weekend Update segment was funny. Job well done. Reily was very impressive at doing physical comedy well and the digital short (Harpoon Man) was hilarious. The Will Ferrell cameo came in the form of James Lipton ("Inside the Actor's Studio") during the opening monologue. Good, not great.
SNL Season (1-2)
Funny: John C. Reily
Not Funny: Dane Cook, Kate Hudson

• Stuff

"The Prestige" delivers. It scores a solid B. My hunch is the twist will be obvious to most, but it was still a fun journey and good acting. Suddenly, I like Hugh Jackman as more than just Wolverine (he's in "The Prestige" and is the best part of "The Fountain").

20th Edition - 10/3/06

• Fantasy (Everybody's doing it)

I hesitate to talk about Fantasy Sports. Supposedly it is the biggest crime of the new century. But last night, in my league, "Shane Falco" led "Bo Knows" 110-109.58 (both had more points than anyone else in our league). Falco is in Italy for 10 days with his wife, but still managing his team. He started Brett Favre, interceptions get negative points, QB yards aren't worth much ... final score Falco (108.2) - Bo Knows (109.58). Hurts.

• Steriods (Everybody's probably doing this too)

A federal prosecutor said there were "significant inacurracies" in the report the Los Angeles Times made, sighting Roger Clemens, Andy Pettitte, Miguel Tejada and others to steriod use. So who knows what that means at this point. Here's the thing, WE'LL NEVER KNOW. We won't know officially who did steriods, HGH or anything else. I don't know if the public would even care unless Bonds was going after the all-time home run record. Take that away coupled with the fact that most reporters hates Bonds because he hates them, and it doesn't become front page.

IF baseball didn't have the home run race between McQwire and Sosa, it would have taken a lot longer for baseball to come back. IF someone (reporter, commissioner, manager, player, fans) would have demanded a steriod investigation back then, this wouldn't be a problem. NO ONE wanted to stop the home runs.

We need to move on, the only way that happens is to decide it was the Steriod Era, allow all the stats, and cheer like hell that someone like Pujols or Howard destroy all home run records.

I'm sick of players making comments such as, "I have never tested positive." Then reporters decide that means he found a way to pass all his tests.

• NFL (Hopefully not everybody is going to do this)

Albert Haynesworth is suspended for five games. Click here for the full story and video. He stomped on the head of Andre Groude, who's helmet had already been knocked off. Five games is a ton, and he deserved it. Keep in mind, for something that happened on the field, this is the longest suspension EVER. The pervious long was when a Green Bay Packer threw Jim McMahon to the ground in 1986. He got two games.

• My Twins (moving on to happy thoughts)

Home field advantage and at least two pitching performances by Johan Santana. That should be enough to get past the A's. I don't care for the best-of-five series, it doesn't give an accuarate test of who's the best team ... But in this case, I'll take it.

By the way, it's the afternoon game, so fire up the espn.com at 12:09 central, and enjoy the rest of your work day.

Player of the Game (Besides Santana): Punto.

• My Mets (a little nervous, we'll talk tomorrow)

• Stuff (Saturday Night Live)

I forgot to talk about SNL on Monday (a new weekly feature, since I am the only one who watches it religiously). Dane Cook isn't all that funny. He's lost something for me. Brian Williams had a nice cameo during the news, but Seth Myers looked nervous and talked WAY too fast during his first time doing "Weekend Update" with Amy Poehler. "Weekend Update" also has a new set, which looks like my elementary school's wallpaper, high class all the way.
Funny SNL's for 2006/07: 0-1 (Dane Cook)